Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy. ~Norman Vincent Peale

**disclaimer – I wrote this at work and just barely found out Janae wrote something about this too…must be a theme. So check her’s out too!  It must be self-esteem day!**

I’ve been having a hard time lately.  I don’t want this to be a downer post because so many people, especially those in Japan, are going through so much more than me.   I know for me, once you get a hit to your self-esteem – it seems like you begin this downward spiral. 

So I’ve been doing this weight loss competition with my husband because I have less than two months to get my crap together before I stop nursing and let’s just say – I am up two pounds as of today.  And my work took me out to the all you can eat salad bar and meat place – Tucanos – so I have done horrible on my diet today.  I keep saying I am going to start over and be good – but I suck.  I do good for about two days and then I binge for two days…then repeat.   So I believe this is the start of my downward spiral.  Cause I’m a failure at dieting….

Then I get hit in the nose.  Nothing like a big swollen nose with a cut to make you feel beautiful and sexy.  And then the bad race, and then feeling like a failure as a wife for not cooking dinner all the time like my neighbors do, feeling like a failure as a mother for working full time, and then just feeling like a complete idiot that no one likes ( Yes all of these are my big huge insecurities - I have issues I know!)

I keep trying today to get over it - but I am having a hard time. I've just lost 55 lbs but I'm not comfortable in my new body yet.  My husband keeps chiming in how amazing I am - sure wish that magically made all my insecurities go away!  I was researching a little on components to the good self esteem and here is a few things that caught my eye:

We need humility to gain self esteem.  The humility that comes with inner strength and peace.  It is the humility that allows us to accept and live with our own warts without cosmetics to hide them.  It is important to learn to live with our uncorrectable physical and mental defects without complaint or explanation.

Being true to one’s own self is the essence of honesty and a keystone of self-esteem.  Am I secure enough in my love of myself to laugh at myself, to admit mistakes, to graciously accept a compliment?  Am I secure in my love of others to smile and say hello  to a perfect stranger?

Much of our self-respect is built by our own hard work, our thrift, and by trying to be independent as far as possible.

One of my favorite statements up there is the ability to accept a compliment...I get this all the time for my beautiful friend, Sasha.  Anytime someone starts saying something other than thank you after a compliment she just replys "You're Welcome."  Why is it so hard for us to accept compliments from other people?  Why is it so hard to BELIEVE compliments that others give us.

I'm going to actively work hard on trying to become the woman my husband thinks I am...that I want to be.  I'm going to try hard to accept my flaws and things I can't change, embrace them, and move on.  It's going to be a long process I am sure.

So tonight I'm doing a 5 mile run on the treadmill...dang wind and rain.  And I'm thinking of doing some inclines in my training...but I'm nervous!  And tonight I had the most ghetto-ist dinner.  Whole grain penne pasta, lite alfredo sauce...and Hot Dogs...and it's actually really good!  I didn't want to cook meat, cause I'm that lazy.

Are you guys excited!  March Madness comes in full force tomorrow!  Who do you have going all the way?  I changed my bracket so many freaking times - and I finally think I've decided on Duke vs Florida with Duke winning.  I try to be different for the most part - cause I know many people are on the Ohio St & Kansas bandwagon.  I know there is at least 200 Utahn's that have BYU going to the final four - and if I knew who the heck Wofford was, I would have them losing the first round.  I hate BYU - there I said it and I feel better. 

Are you guys excited for St. Patty's day?  What are your plans? I am going to try to remember to put both boys and myself in green.  So excited for my St. Patty's day lunch - woot woot - and for the games...did I mention I was excited for that?